Tuesday, July 27, 2010
My site has MOVED
My new home is at http://tuckerspeaks.com/blog/ and my new website is http://tuckerspeaks.com/
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Father's Day 2010-What I Loved about Today
What I loved about today: I didn’t think I would get to see my son today; I did, loved that!
My son gave me a great big hug and continued to show me love in his primary love language of physical touch, but almost always accompanied that with a whispered I love you Daddy (which ministered to my primary love language words of affirmation,) loved that!
I got to complement him on his kindness and masculine trait of initiating and leading, loved that!
We got to share being silly by play fighting for a fun picture, loved that!
I will always have the great card he gave me and a few photos of us taken today, love that!
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
My son gave me a great big hug and continued to show me love in his primary love language of physical touch, but almost always accompanied that with a whispered I love you Daddy (which ministered to my primary love language words of affirmation,) loved that!
I got to complement him on his kindness and masculine trait of initiating and leading, loved that!
We got to share being silly by play fighting for a fun picture, loved that!
I will always have the great card he gave me and a few photos of us taken today, love that!
Written by,JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
Saturday, June 19, 2010
Why They Call it Falling
Have you struggled with something...something that has had control over you...and you've begun to get some footing on this unstable ground in your life? I have.
I heard a friend say today, "I fell." Why do they call it falling? I fell off the wagon...after a poor attempt to direct my friend to wiser counsel...and as I prayed a song came floating into my mind. I say floating, because it drifted in...started softly and then began to play at full volume in my head.
The song of course really has nothing to do with falling in this case, but it's a sad country song that for some reason I happen to like.
My dear friend. I'm sorry that you have fallen, but you are not the same person...you have grown...you are a new man in many ways...get up...you can do it...you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you...you have what it takes! RUN TO HIM...CRAWL TO HIM...He's waiting!!!
"Why They Call It Falling"
It's like jumpin
It's like leapin
It's like walkin on the ceilin
It's like floatin
It's like flyin through the air
It's like soarin
It's like glidin
It's a rocket ship you're ridin
It's a feelin that can take you anywhere
So why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
I don't know
There was passion
There was laughter
The first mornin after
I just couldn't get my feet to touch the ground
Every time we were together
We talked about forever
I was certain it was Heaven we had found
So why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
I don't know
But you can't live your life
Walkin in the clouds
Sooner or later
You have to come down
It's like a knife
Through the heart
When it all comes apart
It's like someone takes a pin to your balloon
It's a hole
It's a cave
It's kinda like a grave
When he tells you that he's found somebody new
So why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Now I know
Ooh, why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Now I know
Written by,
JAMES A. TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
I heard a friend say today, "I fell." Why do they call it falling? I fell off the wagon...after a poor attempt to direct my friend to wiser counsel...and as I prayed a song came floating into my mind. I say floating, because it drifted in...started softly and then began to play at full volume in my head.
The song of course really has nothing to do with falling in this case, but it's a sad country song that for some reason I happen to like.
My dear friend. I'm sorry that you have fallen, but you are not the same person...you have grown...you are a new man in many ways...get up...you can do it...you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you...you have what it takes! RUN TO HIM...CRAWL TO HIM...He's waiting!!!
"Why They Call It Falling"
It's like jumpin
It's like leapin
It's like walkin on the ceilin
It's like floatin
It's like flyin through the air
It's like soarin
It's like glidin
It's a rocket ship you're ridin
It's a feelin that can take you anywhere
So why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
I don't know
There was passion
There was laughter
The first mornin after
I just couldn't get my feet to touch the ground
Every time we were together
We talked about forever
I was certain it was Heaven we had found
So why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
I don't know
But you can't live your life
Walkin in the clouds
Sooner or later
You have to come down
It's like a knife
Through the heart
When it all comes apart
It's like someone takes a pin to your balloon
It's a hole
It's a cave
It's kinda like a grave
When he tells you that he's found somebody new
So why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Now I know
Ooh, why they call it fallin
Why they call it fallin
Now I know
Written by,
JAMES A. TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Folding Clothes
Do you hate folding clothes as much as me? I hate it so much that I will choose to mow the yard, before folding clothes! Since I hate it...I don't do it! I avoid it. Months would go by and I'd rather deal with the mound of clothes and the dig for boxer briefs over taking the time to fold clothes. My guest room become a storage room for unfolded clothes. When I walked by my guest room I could hear my shirts calling out "rescue me." It was like a printer commercial...where the photos all wondered who'd get deleted out of the digital camera, but my shirts wondered who'd be rescued, worn!
Awful. The pile had to be moved when I decided to turn my guest room into a home office. The best decision I've made lately-well maybe not the best, but it ranks way up there...WAY UP THERE-love having a home office! Okay...maybe the best decision lately!
Yesterday-I had enough (the pile had moved to the dining room table.) Enough, I declared! Then I sat down for a moment and watched a little TV...I'm a great avoider! It was a big pile. Then, I did it! At first slowly, but then I was determined. I wondered why I had waited so long...it wasn't that bad. Kinda like going to the gym on Monday, but glad you did. I didn't time my experience folding clothes, but when I starting paying attention it took over 30 minutes to fold clothes, from when I started timing:
60 shirts
4 shorts
2 jeans
5 pairs of socks
3 sweat shirts and
9 boxer briefs!
What are you avoiding? The truth is I don't only avoid folding clothes. I'd rather get lost in a lethargic lyric than foster forgiveness. I'm making changes. Let's stop avoiding and do the hard things!
Written by,
JAMES A. TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah
Awful. The pile had to be moved when I decided to turn my guest room into a home office. The best decision I've made lately-well maybe not the best, but it ranks way up there...WAY UP THERE-love having a home office! Okay...maybe the best decision lately!
Yesterday-I had enough (the pile had moved to the dining room table.) Enough, I declared! Then I sat down for a moment and watched a little TV...I'm a great avoider! It was a big pile. Then, I did it! At first slowly, but then I was determined. I wondered why I had waited so long...it wasn't that bad. Kinda like going to the gym on Monday, but glad you did. I didn't time my experience folding clothes, but when I starting paying attention it took over 30 minutes to fold clothes, from when I started timing:
60 shirts
4 shorts
2 jeans
5 pairs of socks
3 sweat shirts and
9 boxer briefs!
What are you avoiding? The truth is I don't only avoid folding clothes. I'd rather get lost in a lethargic lyric than foster forgiveness. I'm making changes. Let's stop avoiding and do the hard things!
Written by,
JAMES A. TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah
Monday, June 7, 2010
A Dear John Post
Dear John,
You and I have known each other for a really long time...longer than I care to admit. You have become part of me. Even when you are not directly involved...I hear your whisper and feel your pull in my heart. That's why this is so difficult for me...our time together is over. THIS IS OVER. It is time for you to leave! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE...you are not welcome here! I've met someone new.
Are you wondering who John is? Are you wondering who I've met?
John's real name is FEAR. I'm pretty sure you know him too...I bet he even says some of the same things to you that he says to me. Things like: "You will always be a failure," "They will never love you," "You don't have what it takes," "You're not strong enough," "You don't deserve success," and "You will never measure up!"
Do you know fear? That thing that stops you from doing what you've been designed to do...the only thing you feel right doing. I recently employed a new friend in my life...his name is COURAGE. FEAR MEET COURAGE...yeah...who's scared now!!!!
Courage has allowed me to STEP FORWARD! I'm currently making choices that are moving me through my FEAR. I feel the FEAR, but I'm doing it anyway. "OUCH!" It hurts and it is scary, but I'm STEPPING THROUGH MY FEAR. I'm fighting fear...right now...as I type this. Fear is saying..."Sure you are, okay in that one area you are, but you tire easily...you're not consistent and you don't know how to TRUST! You will eventually fail-YOU ALWAYS FAIL!" "OUCH!"
Do you know this voice? What is your greatest fear? Will you feel the fear and do it anyway?
Craig Groeschel says "The path to your greatest potential is often straight through your greatest fear." It's true isn't it? That's why FEAR is present. We see the potential and, in ways, know the potential, but fear robs us, stops us. Craig also says "...that normal people live with regrets." Ugh...I'm tired of being NORMAL. Normal is over-rated! "I want to be UNCOMMON!" (as stated in a previous post)
So what will you do? I hope you meet COURAGE, find the courage to do it! Find the truth in the fear...and move forward! YOU CAN DO IT...you really can! In fact, LET'S DO IT TOGETHER!
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
You and I have known each other for a really long time...longer than I care to admit. You have become part of me. Even when you are not directly involved...I hear your whisper and feel your pull in my heart. That's why this is so difficult for me...our time together is over. THIS IS OVER. It is time for you to leave! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE...you are not welcome here! I've met someone new.
Are you wondering who John is? Are you wondering who I've met?
John's real name is FEAR. I'm pretty sure you know him too...I bet he even says some of the same things to you that he says to me. Things like: "You will always be a failure," "They will never love you," "You don't have what it takes," "You're not strong enough," "You don't deserve success," and "You will never measure up!"
Do you know fear? That thing that stops you from doing what you've been designed to do...the only thing you feel right doing. I recently employed a new friend in my life...his name is COURAGE. FEAR MEET COURAGE...yeah...who's scared now!!!!
Courage has allowed me to STEP FORWARD! I'm currently making choices that are moving me through my FEAR. I feel the FEAR, but I'm doing it anyway. "OUCH!" It hurts and it is scary, but I'm STEPPING THROUGH MY FEAR. I'm fighting fear...right now...as I type this. Fear is saying..."Sure you are, okay in that one area you are, but you tire easily...you're not consistent and you don't know how to TRUST! You will eventually fail-YOU ALWAYS FAIL!" "OUCH!"
Do you know this voice? What is your greatest fear? Will you feel the fear and do it anyway?
Craig Groeschel says "The path to your greatest potential is often straight through your greatest fear." It's true isn't it? That's why FEAR is present. We see the potential and, in ways, know the potential, but fear robs us, stops us. Craig also says "...that normal people live with regrets." Ugh...I'm tired of being NORMAL. Normal is over-rated! "I want to be UNCOMMON!" (as stated in a previous post)
So what will you do? I hope you meet COURAGE, find the courage to do it! Find the truth in the fear...and move forward! YOU CAN DO IT...you really can! In fact, LET'S DO IT TOGETHER!
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The Sweet Things in Life
Nothing like it!
I love these so much I've given up biscuits to work them into my daily caloric intake!
They bring a smile and calmness to my crazy day!
What makes you smile in a whimsical way in this Sometimes Hallelujah life?
Written by,
JAMES A. TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
It's Your Turn 2 Talk
I'm interested in hearing what you think...post your answers to the comments for the following questions: all, some or none...well, I hope you'll answer some!
1. Do you have a large number of close friends or do you prefer to keep your circle of close friends to a small amount? Why?
2. Do you go to a traditional church or to a contemporary church?
3. Is church for the believer or those who don't believe yet?
4. Are you too busy? Do you have time for relationships?
Feel free to email your response to tuckerspeaks@gmail.com
Thanks!
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah
1. Do you have a large number of close friends or do you prefer to keep your circle of close friends to a small amount? Why?
2. Do you go to a traditional church or to a contemporary church?
3. Is church for the believer or those who don't believe yet?
4. Are you too busy? Do you have time for relationships?
Feel free to email your response to tuckerspeaks@gmail.com
Thanks!
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
In the Hallways
My name is James. I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm 5' 10," ten years ago...on a good day I was 5' 11." Ten years ago...on any day, I was thirty pounds lighter. I usually wear jeans and a T-Shirt...at least when I have a choice. I drive a fuel efficient vehicle, but I would rather drive a truck. Lately, I don't get enough sleep. Lately, I eat better, but still way too much. I live an average life. I hang on. I have dreams and I make small steps to achieve them, but the reality is...at 42...I'm a desperate man...fighting for life. I am fighting a war, in a battle for my soul...in a fight for my life.
Years ago, I would have lost this war, but with Truth I'm beginning to see the battle in ways I have never known. Today, I see the way my enemy entangles me. He fights to keep me out of the hallways of life. The places that lead to my life touching others. The place where conversations are fun and friendly...where photos hang to remind me of those that love and pray for me! He doesn't want me in the hallways. He wants me hidden. He wants afraid and alone. He wants me in the attic...remembering the past...going through the things of the man I used to be...playing in the clothes of a younger man. He wants me confused and lonely. He wants me isolated so I'll never know the truth about the lies that have formed deep within me, deep in my bones. I've built so much life around them that they feel part of me. But my God...is a God that can raise bones from the dead. He can take what was dead and create life! He can restore a heart positioned to receive Him.
Today, I fight this war a wiser man, scarred by a lifetime of war. To some, I will never win this battle. They believe I should surrender, but I chose to be an uncommon man. I chose to stay in this fight until this battle is over and I can walk in the truth that God has promised me.
I'm a desperate man. Who often runs...weakened by the fight. Sometimes I find myself in my enemies camp...among my enemies. Sometimes I feel their call in the loneliness of battle. Sometimes I ask why...why do I fight...when it seems like I will always be in the presence of war. The truth is that sometimes I want to give up, surrender and run to things I've known along this journey. But my God, He has ransomed me...my God has saved me, my God is changing me!
He reminds me of the person he created. He brings the truth to me and it redefines the battle...it redefines my life! I'm a desperate man! I'm 5'10." My name is James.
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
DESPERATE MAN
I know I just display my foolish pride
When I try to be an island to myself
You must be tired of all the stuff that I still hide
Because I just can’t seem to trust anyone else
It’s a lonely way to live
Such a lonely way to live
I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me
You’ve been more than patient all this time
If it were me I would have given up long ago
The first time that you pulled me from the mire
And I brushed you off to dig another hole
It’s a sad way to live
Such a sad, sad way to live
I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me
I used to be the strong one
The self-sufficient fool
I thought I needed no one
But the plain and simple truth
Is I’m a desperate man
I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me
Written and Sung by Andy Gullahorn
Years ago, I would have lost this war, but with Truth I'm beginning to see the battle in ways I have never known. Today, I see the way my enemy entangles me. He fights to keep me out of the hallways of life. The places that lead to my life touching others. The place where conversations are fun and friendly...where photos hang to remind me of those that love and pray for me! He doesn't want me in the hallways. He wants me hidden. He wants afraid and alone. He wants me in the attic...remembering the past...going through the things of the man I used to be...playing in the clothes of a younger man. He wants me confused and lonely. He wants me isolated so I'll never know the truth about the lies that have formed deep within me, deep in my bones. I've built so much life around them that they feel part of me. But my God...is a God that can raise bones from the dead. He can take what was dead and create life! He can restore a heart positioned to receive Him.
Today, I fight this war a wiser man, scarred by a lifetime of war. To some, I will never win this battle. They believe I should surrender, but I chose to be an uncommon man. I chose to stay in this fight until this battle is over and I can walk in the truth that God has promised me.
I'm a desperate man. Who often runs...weakened by the fight. Sometimes I find myself in my enemies camp...among my enemies. Sometimes I feel their call in the loneliness of battle. Sometimes I ask why...why do I fight...when it seems like I will always be in the presence of war. The truth is that sometimes I want to give up, surrender and run to things I've known along this journey. But my God, He has ransomed me...my God has saved me, my God is changing me!
He reminds me of the person he created. He brings the truth to me and it redefines the battle...it redefines my life! I'm a desperate man! I'm 5'10." My name is James.
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!
DESPERATE MAN
I know I just display my foolish pride
When I try to be an island to myself
You must be tired of all the stuff that I still hide
Because I just can’t seem to trust anyone else
It’s a lonely way to live
Such a lonely way to live
I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me
You’ve been more than patient all this time
If it were me I would have given up long ago
The first time that you pulled me from the mire
And I brushed you off to dig another hole
It’s a sad way to live
Such a sad, sad way to live
I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me
I used to be the strong one
The self-sufficient fool
I thought I needed no one
But the plain and simple truth
Is I’m a desperate man
I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me
Written and Sung by Andy Gullahorn
Friday, April 16, 2010
Uncommon with Road Side Wrestling Matches
Are You Motivated? I’m not naturally motivated. I’m a dreamer, but rarely get beyond the wishing. I want to lose weight, but don’t really know how to get motivated to the point of having substantial weight lost (I‘ve recently lost 20 pounds, but I‘ve been here before.) I have a guitar, but don’t know how to play it. (I still have 8 months…this is the year!) I’ve always thought I would be a songwriter…I’ve even penned a few lyrics, but have never taken anything beyond the page. I’m not naturally motivated.
When I need motivation, I usually find a song that helps me be BRAVE (a song from Nicole Nordeman.) My son inspires me to be a better man…my faith inspires me…,both motivate me to live better. Words inspire me…motivate me. I love going to the movies and have often been inspired by actors who bring life to someone’s words. Do you know this scene?
Coach: You think you can win on talent alone-Gentlemen you don’t have enough talent to win on talent alone. Again. (The team is running suicide drills.)
Coach: You think you can come in here and play the Norwegian National Team and tie them then go to the Olympics and win…you got another thing coming. (Whistle) (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: You better think about something else, each and everyone of you. When you put on that jersey you represent yourself and your teammates. And the name on the front is a hell of a lot more important than the one on the back. Get that through your head! Again. (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: Win, lose, or tie you’re gonna play like champions! Again.
(Team skates another drill.)
Coach: All the way to the line and back-it’s not that difficult. Again.
(Team skates another drill.)
Doc comes out… Doc: The Ring Manager wants to clean the ice and go home.
Coach: Tell him to leave me the keys…I’ll lock up. Again. (Nothing happens.) Again! (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: You keep playing this way and you won’t beat anyone that’s good, let alone great. You wanna make this team then you better start playing at a level that’s gonna force me to keep you here. Again. (Team skates another drill.)
The lights go out and the players begin to skate off the ring…
Coach: Where you going? Back on the line. Again. Send them. (Whistle)
(Team skates another drill.) Again. (Whistle) (Team skates another drill.) Again. (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: Alright…whose gonna be the first to go home? Send them. (Nothing happens.) Send them. (Whistle) (Team skates another drill.) Again. (Whistle)
(Team skates another drill.)
Coach: THIS CANNOT BE A TEAM OF COMMON MEN, CAUSE COMMON MEN GO NOWHERE. YOU HAVE TO BE UNCOMMON. Again. (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: Everyone on the line. Get on the line. Again. Again! (Nothing happens) Come on, blow the whistle. Again.
Michael Eruzione: Michael Eruzione , Wheatfield Massachusetts.
Coach: Who do you play for?
Michael Eruzione: I play for the United States of America.
Coach: That’s all gentlemen.
I'm not naturally motivated! I don’t want to be common…I want to be uncommon. I want to be uncommon!
I don’t want to just go to work. I want to love what I do. Even if I don’t love what I do, being uncommon would mean to still work as if I love what I do. I’m a serious guy. Those of you who know me…I know it’s hard to believe, but I am. (Poor attempt at humor…they know I’m serious.) One night I was driving with my son and we were having a serious talk about school and how important it is to do well. How we have to have excellence and integrity. I asked him if his grades reflected excellence and integrity…he hung his head and said no.
I continued…how did you have integrity if your grades don’t reflect excellence? He almost started to cry…we had been talking about his grades for 15-20 minutes. Friends-he’s 11. He had gotten what he was going to get in the first few minutes, but I wanted this to be a defining moment…I wanted him to be inspired…to be motivated…to realize the bigger picture…to realize the name on the front of the shirt is more important than the one on the back.
John Ortberg writes in his book “The Life You’ve Always Wanted:” I want to create moments of magic, I want them (his children) to remember laughing until the tears flow, I want to read to them and make the books come alive so they love to read, I want to have slow sweet talks with them as they’re getting ready to close their eyes, I want to sing them awake in the morning. I want to chase fireflies with them, teach them to play tennis, have food fights, and hold them and pray for them in a way that makes them feel cherished.” These are things he wants to do with his children.
I want the same for my son, but how it really goes is very different. So, I realize after talking to my son for 15-20 minutes…okay…probably thirty…oh gosh I hope it wasn’t more than 30 minutes…I see he’s defeated. So I stop. I physically stop the car on the side of the highway. I told him that if he didn’t smile…I would stop the car…and make him smile. Now-remember…I’m a serious guy…so he didn’t know what was going to happen. We started to wrestle…then we took it to the side of the road…simple and safe, but brief. It worked-he smiled. Now we have side road wrestling matches. I want to be uncommon! His grades and conduct continue to improve…they’re getting back to the As and Bs we’ve always known. I want to be uncommon.
This is only one area of my life, I want to be uncommon, but not only as a father. I want to be an uncommon man. I want to learn to love-when I want to hate. I want to help others-instead of getting that new vehicle. I want to die, so that I can truly live. Hmmm, wouldn’t it be great to be uncommon! How can you…be uncommon? What could you do…in your world…to be uncommon?
I hope it starts with road side wrestling matches…or driving to Dallas to be with a Friend on their birthday…or taking a new friend a special drink in hopes of her knowing it matters, she matters! Let’s be uncommon. Let’s be the change we want to see. Mahatma Gandhi says “We must become the change we want to see.” Will we change? Will you change? Will you be uncommon?
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah
Inspired by life and the movie “Miracle,” an old favorite!
Miracle is a 2004 American biographical sports film about the United States men's hockey team, led by head coach Herb Brooks, that won the gold medal in the 1980 Winter Olympics. The USA team's victory over the heavily favored Soviet team in the medal round was dubbed the Miracle on Ice. Miracle was directed by Gavin O'Connor and written by Eric Guggenheim.
When I need motivation, I usually find a song that helps me be BRAVE (a song from Nicole Nordeman.) My son inspires me to be a better man…my faith inspires me…,both motivate me to live better. Words inspire me…motivate me. I love going to the movies and have often been inspired by actors who bring life to someone’s words. Do you know this scene?
Coach: You think you can win on talent alone-Gentlemen you don’t have enough talent to win on talent alone. Again. (The team is running suicide drills.)
Coach: You think you can come in here and play the Norwegian National Team and tie them then go to the Olympics and win…you got another thing coming. (Whistle) (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: You better think about something else, each and everyone of you. When you put on that jersey you represent yourself and your teammates. And the name on the front is a hell of a lot more important than the one on the back. Get that through your head! Again. (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: Win, lose, or tie you’re gonna play like champions! Again.
(Team skates another drill.)
Coach: All the way to the line and back-it’s not that difficult. Again.
(Team skates another drill.)
Doc comes out… Doc: The Ring Manager wants to clean the ice and go home.
Coach: Tell him to leave me the keys…I’ll lock up. Again. (Nothing happens.) Again! (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: You keep playing this way and you won’t beat anyone that’s good, let alone great. You wanna make this team then you better start playing at a level that’s gonna force me to keep you here. Again. (Team skates another drill.)
The lights go out and the players begin to skate off the ring…
Coach: Where you going? Back on the line. Again. Send them. (Whistle)
(Team skates another drill.) Again. (Whistle) (Team skates another drill.) Again. (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: Alright…whose gonna be the first to go home? Send them. (Nothing happens.) Send them. (Whistle) (Team skates another drill.) Again. (Whistle)
(Team skates another drill.)
Coach: THIS CANNOT BE A TEAM OF COMMON MEN, CAUSE COMMON MEN GO NOWHERE. YOU HAVE TO BE UNCOMMON. Again. (Team skates another drill.)
Coach: Everyone on the line. Get on the line. Again. Again! (Nothing happens) Come on, blow the whistle. Again.
Michael Eruzione: Michael Eruzione , Wheatfield Massachusetts.
Coach: Who do you play for?
Michael Eruzione: I play for the United States of America.
Coach: That’s all gentlemen.
I'm not naturally motivated! I don’t want to be common…I want to be uncommon. I want to be uncommon!
I don’t want to just go to work. I want to love what I do. Even if I don’t love what I do, being uncommon would mean to still work as if I love what I do. I’m a serious guy. Those of you who know me…I know it’s hard to believe, but I am. (Poor attempt at humor…they know I’m serious.) One night I was driving with my son and we were having a serious talk about school and how important it is to do well. How we have to have excellence and integrity. I asked him if his grades reflected excellence and integrity…he hung his head and said no.
I continued…how did you have integrity if your grades don’t reflect excellence? He almost started to cry…we had been talking about his grades for 15-20 minutes. Friends-he’s 11. He had gotten what he was going to get in the first few minutes, but I wanted this to be a defining moment…I wanted him to be inspired…to be motivated…to realize the bigger picture…to realize the name on the front of the shirt is more important than the one on the back.
John Ortberg writes in his book “The Life You’ve Always Wanted:” I want to create moments of magic, I want them (his children) to remember laughing until the tears flow, I want to read to them and make the books come alive so they love to read, I want to have slow sweet talks with them as they’re getting ready to close their eyes, I want to sing them awake in the morning. I want to chase fireflies with them, teach them to play tennis, have food fights, and hold them and pray for them in a way that makes them feel cherished.” These are things he wants to do with his children.
I want the same for my son, but how it really goes is very different. So, I realize after talking to my son for 15-20 minutes…okay…probably thirty…oh gosh I hope it wasn’t more than 30 minutes…I see he’s defeated. So I stop. I physically stop the car on the side of the highway. I told him that if he didn’t smile…I would stop the car…and make him smile. Now-remember…I’m a serious guy…so he didn’t know what was going to happen. We started to wrestle…then we took it to the side of the road…simple and safe, but brief. It worked-he smiled. Now we have side road wrestling matches. I want to be uncommon! His grades and conduct continue to improve…they’re getting back to the As and Bs we’ve always known. I want to be uncommon.
This is only one area of my life, I want to be uncommon, but not only as a father. I want to be an uncommon man. I want to learn to love-when I want to hate. I want to help others-instead of getting that new vehicle. I want to die, so that I can truly live. Hmmm, wouldn’t it be great to be uncommon! How can you…be uncommon? What could you do…in your world…to be uncommon?
I hope it starts with road side wrestling matches…or driving to Dallas to be with a Friend on their birthday…or taking a new friend a special drink in hopes of her knowing it matters, she matters! Let’s be uncommon. Let’s be the change we want to see. Mahatma Gandhi says “We must become the change we want to see.” Will we change? Will you change? Will you be uncommon?
Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah
Inspired by life and the movie “Miracle,” an old favorite!
Miracle is a 2004 American biographical sports film about the United States men's hockey team, led by head coach Herb Brooks, that won the gold medal in the 1980 Winter Olympics. The USA team's victory over the heavily favored Soviet team in the medal round was dubbed the Miracle on Ice. Miracle was directed by Gavin O'Connor and written by Eric Guggenheim.
Saturday, April 10, 2010
A Song From My iPod
This is the cry of my soul!
I Am Nothing
I am nothing without You
Only a fly upon the wall
Listening in, hoping to find something about You
That will keep me from this fall
And sometimes I catch a glimpse
And my heart begins to beat
Day by day awaken me
You put the wind beneath my feet
I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free
I am nothing without You
Only the dirt beneath Your nails
My heart is bruised and it's broken
And my soul is very frail
Please give me a reason
I need to name this man
And no longer this broken treason
Only on You I will stand
I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free
Please mend these broken wings
And take the scales from my eyes
Without You I am nothing
I will not survive x2
I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free
lyrics by Shawn McDonald
I want more. I want more than just being a Dad, a speaker, or a writer. I want to be Hidden in HIM-YOU. I want to be so deep in relationship with Christ that who I am CHANGES! This song represents the cry of my soul, the ache in my bones, the desire to die so that I can truly live!
Am I really this scared man, who chooses this life instead of TRUSTING? I am…that’s who I am. I fumble in the darkness. I run from God. I don’t even trust when the safety net is securely in place. Surrender-raid my heart. I want treason. I want to no longer be loyal to the things I always choose: the life I trust. I want to be stripped of all my layers…I want to be seen and not hidden. Not in front of man, but in front of HIM-YOU GOD. God I want the rain. Holy rain. Your rain. “I long for the water that brings life to me. Cause I long for the truth, that sets man free!” I want freedom.
My cell looks different today, but I’m still jailed. Unable to completely trust Him. Okay-unable to really trust at all. Why God…why…I so desperately want to run in FIELDS OF TRUST with YOU. That isn’t true. I’m lying.
What I want is assurance that I’ll be okay. That I’ll be happy and satisfied. That my life will include what I love and have the AMERICAN DREAM neatly tucked inside for my enjoyment. I don’t trust you, because sometimes the life of JOB happens. Sometimes You allow the locusts to come…and I don’t want that. I don’t want public humiliation or financial ruin. I don’t want separation from my son or a training job. I want to speak and write…USE THE TALENT YOU GAVE ME, but will I ever trust YOU to do it? Will I ever trust the darkness again? Will I ever trust what I can’t see? Will I ever step from the safety of the lie…from what I know? Heart treason would be good.
I want to walk on the water…not the still calm waters, but the raging sea…I want to have the faith to get out of the boat and walk on the water…raging seas. When I’m scared…I want to know you have my back…you will protect me! I want to know it in a way that produces change. That changes me…that changes this crazy heart.
I AM NOTHING, ransom me...again and again and again.
Written by JAMES AVERY TUCKER
Sponsored by Sometimes Hallelujah...one of those days!
PS-His blood was/is enough...it's just been a long week!
I Am Nothing
I am nothing without You
Only a fly upon the wall
Listening in, hoping to find something about You
That will keep me from this fall
And sometimes I catch a glimpse
And my heart begins to beat
Day by day awaken me
You put the wind beneath my feet
I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free
I am nothing without You
Only the dirt beneath Your nails
My heart is bruised and it's broken
And my soul is very frail
Please give me a reason
I need to name this man
And no longer this broken treason
Only on You I will stand
I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free
Please mend these broken wings
And take the scales from my eyes
Without You I am nothing
I will not survive x2
I long for the water
That brings life to me
'cause I long for the truth, oh
That sets man free
lyrics by Shawn McDonald
I want more. I want more than just being a Dad, a speaker, or a writer. I want to be Hidden in HIM-YOU. I want to be so deep in relationship with Christ that who I am CHANGES! This song represents the cry of my soul, the ache in my bones, the desire to die so that I can truly live!
Am I really this scared man, who chooses this life instead of TRUSTING? I am…that’s who I am. I fumble in the darkness. I run from God. I don’t even trust when the safety net is securely in place. Surrender-raid my heart. I want treason. I want to no longer be loyal to the things I always choose: the life I trust. I want to be stripped of all my layers…I want to be seen and not hidden. Not in front of man, but in front of HIM-YOU GOD. God I want the rain. Holy rain. Your rain. “I long for the water that brings life to me. Cause I long for the truth, that sets man free!” I want freedom.
My cell looks different today, but I’m still jailed. Unable to completely trust Him. Okay-unable to really trust at all. Why God…why…I so desperately want to run in FIELDS OF TRUST with YOU. That isn’t true. I’m lying.
What I want is assurance that I’ll be okay. That I’ll be happy and satisfied. That my life will include what I love and have the AMERICAN DREAM neatly tucked inside for my enjoyment. I don’t trust you, because sometimes the life of JOB happens. Sometimes You allow the locusts to come…and I don’t want that. I don’t want public humiliation or financial ruin. I don’t want separation from my son or a training job. I want to speak and write…USE THE TALENT YOU GAVE ME, but will I ever trust YOU to do it? Will I ever trust the darkness again? Will I ever trust what I can’t see? Will I ever step from the safety of the lie…from what I know? Heart treason would be good.
I want to walk on the water…not the still calm waters, but the raging sea…I want to have the faith to get out of the boat and walk on the water…raging seas. When I’m scared…I want to know you have my back…you will protect me! I want to know it in a way that produces change. That changes me…that changes this crazy heart.
I AM NOTHING, ransom me...again and again and again.
Written by JAMES AVERY TUCKER
Sponsored by Sometimes Hallelujah...one of those days!
PS-His blood was/is enough...it's just been a long week!
Saturday, March 27, 2010
The Storm
I walked on roses today
I walked in rivers and watched April turn to May
I tried to wash this stain, thenI heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
And I prayed take away the pain
Take away my pain and wash away my stain.
I watched the storm today
The winds came in the night and I walked with all my might.
I tried to free the ache, then
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
And I prayed take away the pain
Take away my pain and wash away my stain.
I ran in the rain, I ran through the rain
I heard the drums, I heard the saints
I heard the echo in my bones and I ran
I ran…I ran in the rain today.
I pulled away and in the quiet I prayed
Lord I smell the rot
I smell the stench
But I’m free
I’m free,
But my flesh is weak
My flesh is weak and
It's calling me
But your word,
Your word says in my weakness
You are strong
You are strong
You are strong, but I
I ran in the rain, I ran through the rain
I heard the drums, I heard the saints
I heard the echo in my bones and I ran
I ran…I ran in the rain today.
I watched the storm today
The winds came in the night and I walked with all my might.
I tried to free the ache, then
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
And I prayed take away the pain
Take away my pain and wash away my stain.
I walked on roses today
I walked on roses today
I walked on roses today
I walked in rivers and watched
April turn to May
I tried to wash this stain, then
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
And I prayed take away the pain
Take away my pain and wash away my stain.
Written by James Avery Tucker
Friday, March 26, 2010
Better Than A Hallelujah
How exciting to know that one of my favorite Artist of all times is putting out a new CD, releasing March 30, 2010, and the first single is titled, "BETTER THAN A HALLELUJAH."
I know it isn't Sometimes Hallelujah, but almost! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I know it's not a Jacket Cover, but for all of us who really enjoy reading the lyrics, see below...this should work!
I love the message of this song.
Be in relationship with HIM, GOD.
He wants to hear from you...regardless of how!
Better Than A Hallelujah
God loves a lullabyIn a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
God loves the drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
We pour out our miseries
God just hears a melody
Beautiful the mess we are
The honest cries of breaking hearts
Are better than a Hallelujah
The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.
Better than a church bell ringing
Better than a choir singing out
Singing out.
penned by Chapin Hartford and Sarah Har
Written by James Avery Tucker
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Reading Jacket Covers
Recently, my son was listening to song samples on iTunes. He asked, “Daddy why do they call them albums?” I told him they used to be called albums before CDs came out…you know…back in the olden days. (I‘m not really sure why iTunes refers to them as albums…are they files?) My son was really into Taylor Swift…so I thought I would surprise him later that night and buy the album…I mean CD. 
He was so excited to get the CD open he almost snapped it! Smile.
CD is open…CD is playing…Taylor is singing…he reaches for the CD container…opens it…looks at the picture…pulls out the cover…opens it…and begins reading the Jacket Cover. I know to most of you…this means nothing, but to me…wow…it melted my heart, the way something only a son does to his father can-it touched my heart!
I’ve been reading Jacket Covers since I was 15. When I was 15, I remember buying Amy Grant’s album, Age to Age. Okay…technically it didn’t come with a jacket cover…it had an album sleeve. I read it. I read it again…and again. I have always related to words in a profound way…so reading the lyrics to her songs brought the album to life and touched my fragile heart.
It was a way for me, the consumer, to know the artist, Amy Grant. That was the day Amy became my friend! She is still a friend today…and has been through out all of my life. Always there, always with the right thing to say:
When all goodbyes are said and done
And nighttime finds you home
Are you alright to spend a night
Of being all alone
Or do you hide between the lines
Of conversations past
A wall of words, a heart unheard
That hides behind a mask
I'm raining on the inside
My heart wells up with tears that start to pour
I'm raining on the inside
But Your cries of love break through
And I fall in love with You once more
When friends who care can't be there
To ease away my pain
And peace of mind is hard to find
Like sunlight in the rain
God sees my heart, the deepest part
Inside this lonely me
And reachin' in, His love begins
To heal the heart in me
(lyrics from “Raining on the Inside,” a song from Age to Age, the album)
Yes…even at 15, my heart related to rain on the inside and the need to know God. I’m glad my son, Garrison, enjoys a sanguine inspired lyric…rather than the melancholy inspired lyrics my heart is inclined to love.
Today, he did it again. He reached for the CD container…opened it…pulled out the cover…opened it…and began reading the lyrics found inside the Jacket Cover. (Taylor is a singer-songwriter so the lyrics were included) He actually read the lyrics and my heart leaped! I was so excited.
We talked about her songs…the way her voice sounds…what certain words mean…what the song means…and what we liked about the song. He really liked this one song…it had been on repeat (something else I do.) So I asked, what is it that you like about this song? He thought about it…looked at me…then very profoundly said, “ Sometimes you just like a song!” The moment was sealed in my heart forever and another song was added to the soundtrack of my life!
I long to find friends who do this! Who connect to a song the way I do? For someone who is willing to talk about it…I mean this is what I do…usually alone, sometimes with a special friend, but now-TODAY- with my son. What a joy…a validation of sorts that this boy has my blood in him. But, there he was reading the jacket cover. The melancholy in me engaged. I analyzed. And, on my hour drive back to Oklahoma City after dropping him off in Lawton Oklahoma, I thought about the wonderful gifts he has from me and his mother. He has a wonderful blend of both our physical make-up and our personality make-up. He is a funny guy…much like his mother. Well the funny part…not the guy part! (See…that was my poor attempt at humor.) But at times…he looks in deep, just like his Dad!
What kind of legacy am I leaving him? (I rarely stay on surface level…I’m usually stay in the deep end) I love that he has a heart for music…so clearly evident, even at eleven. He hears the instruments and loves to sing. He lets music in…it affects him the way a song affects me…but I want to leave him more.
I want to live my life in way that inspires him to be a Godly Man! I want him to be a man of integrity and excellence. A man who respects and serves others. In my frailty, in my humanness, I am often far from any of these, but part of being a man of God is knowing how to get up when you fall. Knowing what it means to pray a honest prayer of repentance and letting God in-in every area of your heart. I’m doing that. I’m walking a journey of faith…one that isn’t always pretty, or better said, is Sometimes Hallelujah, but it’s a journey that is beginning to reflect Christ and this is the legacy he will have. I get excited about sharing my life with my son when he is a man. He will see all the pages of my life and the one thing…that will truly be clear is that I fought hard to learn how to surrender to the obedience of Christ. I am even proud now…to tell him how I’m changing…how the man I was is no longer the man I am. This is the legacy not the life of lyrics, loneliness and guitar strings he will know. I wonder what songs we will share then…
I used to have to trap my friends in a vehicle on long drives to share a solid lyric, a new song that had been added to the soundtrack of my life, or some interesting detail I learned about a song or an artist from a Jacket Cover. About two years ago that moved from a locked vehicle to a couch. When I met a heart much like mine, in my friend Kristen. In fact, I miss couch time with my friend…this was a time that often included lyrics, songs and tears. I believe that we will get that again one day…just like one day my son and I will share a new song or something he discovered from Reading Jacket Covers.
Written by James Avery Tucker
Posting sponsored by free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK
He was so excited to get the CD open he almost snapped it! Smile. CD is open…CD is playing…Taylor is singing…he reaches for the CD container…opens it…looks at the picture…pulls out the cover…opens it…and begins reading the Jacket Cover. I know to most of you…this means nothing, but to me…wow…it melted my heart, the way something only a son does to his father can-it touched my heart!
I’ve been reading Jacket Covers since I was 15. When I was 15, I remember buying Amy Grant’s album, Age to Age. Okay…technically it didn’t come with a jacket cover…it had an album sleeve. I read it. I read it again…and again. I have always related to words in a profound way…so reading the lyrics to her songs brought the album to life and touched my fragile heart.
It was a way for me, the consumer, to know the artist, Amy Grant. That was the day Amy became my friend! She is still a friend today…and has been through out all of my life. Always there, always with the right thing to say: When all goodbyes are said and done
And nighttime finds you home
Are you alright to spend a night
Of being all alone
Or do you hide between the lines
Of conversations past
A wall of words, a heart unheard
That hides behind a mask
I'm raining on the inside
My heart wells up with tears that start to pour
I'm raining on the inside
But Your cries of love break through
And I fall in love with You once more
When friends who care can't be there
To ease away my pain
And peace of mind is hard to find
Like sunlight in the rain
God sees my heart, the deepest part
Inside this lonely me
And reachin' in, His love begins
To heal the heart in me
(lyrics from “Raining on the Inside,” a song from Age to Age, the album)
Yes…even at 15, my heart related to rain on the inside and the need to know God. I’m glad my son, Garrison, enjoys a sanguine inspired lyric…rather than the melancholy inspired lyrics my heart is inclined to love.
Today, he did it again. He reached for the CD container…opened it…pulled out the cover…opened it…and began reading the lyrics found inside the Jacket Cover. (Taylor is a singer-songwriter so the lyrics were included) He actually read the lyrics and my heart leaped! I was so excited. We talked about her songs…the way her voice sounds…what certain words mean…what the song means…and what we liked about the song. He really liked this one song…it had been on repeat (something else I do.) So I asked, what is it that you like about this song? He thought about it…looked at me…then very profoundly said, “ Sometimes you just like a song!” The moment was sealed in my heart forever and another song was added to the soundtrack of my life!
I long to find friends who do this! Who connect to a song the way I do? For someone who is willing to talk about it…I mean this is what I do…usually alone, sometimes with a special friend, but now-TODAY- with my son. What a joy…a validation of sorts that this boy has my blood in him. But, there he was reading the jacket cover. The melancholy in me engaged. I analyzed. And, on my hour drive back to Oklahoma City after dropping him off in Lawton Oklahoma, I thought about the wonderful gifts he has from me and his mother. He has a wonderful blend of both our physical make-up and our personality make-up. He is a funny guy…much like his mother. Well the funny part…not the guy part! (See…that was my poor attempt at humor.) But at times…he looks in deep, just like his Dad!
What kind of legacy am I leaving him? (I rarely stay on surface level…I’m usually stay in the deep end) I love that he has a heart for music…so clearly evident, even at eleven. He hears the instruments and loves to sing. He lets music in…it affects him the way a song affects me…but I want to leave him more.
I want to live my life in way that inspires him to be a Godly Man! I want him to be a man of integrity and excellence. A man who respects and serves others. In my frailty, in my humanness, I am often far from any of these, but part of being a man of God is knowing how to get up when you fall. Knowing what it means to pray a honest prayer of repentance and letting God in-in every area of your heart. I’m doing that. I’m walking a journey of faith…one that isn’t always pretty, or better said, is Sometimes Hallelujah, but it’s a journey that is beginning to reflect Christ and this is the legacy he will have. I get excited about sharing my life with my son when he is a man. He will see all the pages of my life and the one thing…that will truly be clear is that I fought hard to learn how to surrender to the obedience of Christ. I am even proud now…to tell him how I’m changing…how the man I was is no longer the man I am. This is the legacy not the life of lyrics, loneliness and guitar strings he will know. I wonder what songs we will share then…
I used to have to trap my friends in a vehicle on long drives to share a solid lyric, a new song that had been added to the soundtrack of my life, or some interesting detail I learned about a song or an artist from a Jacket Cover. About two years ago that moved from a locked vehicle to a couch. When I met a heart much like mine, in my friend Kristen. In fact, I miss couch time with my friend…this was a time that often included lyrics, songs and tears. I believe that we will get that again one day…just like one day my son and I will share a new song or something he discovered from Reading Jacket Covers.
Written by James Avery Tucker
Posting sponsored by free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK
Friday, March 12, 2010
My Crazy Heart
I just saw the movie Crazy Heart. Wow…it is affecting me. I don’t know if it’ll win the Oscar or not, but it touched a cord in my heart. Yes…my “Crazy Heart.”
Is there a difference between lost and loss…what does Webster say? I’m not sure, but Dictionary.com says:
Lost–adjective
1. no longer possessed or retained: lost friends.
2. no longer to be found: lost articles.
3. having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.: lost children.
4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted: a lost advantage.
5. being something that someone has failed to win: a lost prize.
Loss–noun
1. detriment, disadvantage, or deprivation from failure to keep, have, or get: to bear the loss of a robbery.
2. something that is lost: The painting was the greatest loss from the robbery.
3. an amount or number lost: The loss of life increased each day.
4. the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had: the loss of old friends.
5. death, or the fact of being dead: to mourn the loss of a grandparent.
When I was 16 or 17 my mother gave me a ring. I loved this ring, because it belonged to my father who had died when I was 6. I didn’t know my father at all. My mother and father separated when I was 3. They got back together when I was 6 and 3 months later he died. Sometimes, I can still see the pain of that when I look into my mother’s heart through her dark brown eyes. I have always longed to have some connection to my father. I don’t remember when I became aware that my mother had his ring, but from the moment I became aware…I wanted it. I’ve never really thought about what it must have been like for her to give me his ring…not until now. My crazy heart…my selfish heart! My mother gave me the ring and I loved it. It instantly did something to my masculinity…somehow in my crazy heart it felt as if he taught me how to change the oil in my car and we had the TALK…somehow, in my crazy heart, I knew him in a way I never had…I was wearing a ring that he wore…and it meant the world to me.
The ring was a little loose…I remember thinking wow…our hands were almost the same size. I was careful with the ring…as much as a 16 or 17 year old would be. Funny how things…including perspective…change with age. I love you MOM! (I'm not sure my mother knows...) I lost the ring.
Since it didn’t fit all the way…I would take it off when there was potential for it to fall off-I treasured it and didn’t want anything to happen to it so I would take off when I would wash my hands or use the bathroom…stuff like that. One time I was at the Mall, Ingram Park Mall in San Antonio, TX. I had to use the restroom while shopping. I went to the nearest restroom on the second floor. I entered the stall. I removed the ring…then remembered two hours later…that I had left the ring on a dispenser in the stall. When I went back…the ring was gone. I lost the ring, but loss so much more.
The movie touched a cord…
He was lost…I’ve been lost. He loss so much…I’ve loss so much. Even with his loss, he continued to lived lost. The bible says men cherish your wife. I didn’t cherish my wife…there is more to the story than that, but for now…let’s focus on me not cherishing my wife. I lost my marriage. I loss so much more…I loss good night kisses with my son. I lost a part of fathering that can never be gained again. I lost witnessing my son grow out of things, like pajamas and toy cars. I loss a part of my crazy heart. Lost and Loss.
There are so many moments in life I can’t get back…like making a choice to lay my father’s ring down in a restroom stall…like walking away when my wife cried…like not being at my son’s game…or seeing him walk into his school on school mornings…the weekends aren’t enough for a father’s heart. Not for me…and not for him.
The movie touched a cord…
I wrote a poem for my son when I was lost…grieving my loss. Grieving the loss of daily parenting…Son this is for you.
You, Beautiful You
There’s a funny sound that silence makes, it’s like the color of tears. Interesting…the way a flower wilts or the way coffee stains and how lonely aged with time becomes a friend. Still the stillness of a home is haunting and though there are freedoms I would trade them for more.
I see you-you reach for bubbles…with amazing amazement you fulfill me.
Then you take the fuzz from your toes and you pull it through like the threads of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.
I look out the window and wonder about you… Where time will take you and how I will fit in… The clouds dance around themselves and I move to the music, but I want to sing you your song and hold you and never move on, but life isn’t crazy that way and I try, but you, you cannot hear me…
I see you-you get out of your car…with amazing amazement you fulfill me.
Then you take your keys from hand and put them on the shelf like the pictures of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.
There’s a fan that cools the room…smells of paint…making old new. How is life for you? I take this time and know to make the best because time doesn’t wait it burns through our souls and we…we can’t get it back and the choices are made, the roads are taken and we have today and maybe tomorrow, but we don’t know.
I see you-you laugh so wonderfully with amazing amazement you fulfill me.
Then you take the words I write for you and save them like the memories of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.
Written by James Avery Tucker
Posting sponsored by free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK
This blog was started before the Academy Awards...it was actually being written while the show was being aired. Congratulations to Jeff Bridges who played Mad in the movie.
“THE WEARY KIND”
Your heart’s on the loose
You rolled them seven’s with nothing lose
And this ain‘t no place for the weary kind
You called all your shots
Shooting 8 ball at the corner truck stop
Somehow this don’t feel like home anymore
And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
And this ain’t no place to lose your mind
And this ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try
Your body aches
Playing your guitar and sweating out the hate
The days and the nights all feel the same
Whiskey has been a thorn in your side
and it doesn’t forget
the highway that calls for your heart inside
And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
And this ain’t no place to lose your mind
And this ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try
Your lovers won’t kiss
It‘s too damn far from your fingertips
You are the man that ruined her world
Your heart‘s on the loose
You rolled them seven‘s with nothing lose
And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
From the movie "Crazy Heart"
Is there a difference between lost and loss…what does Webster say? I’m not sure, but Dictionary.com says:
Lost–adjective
1. no longer possessed or retained: lost friends.
2. no longer to be found: lost articles.
3. having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.: lost children.
4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted: a lost advantage.
5. being something that someone has failed to win: a lost prize.
Loss–noun
1. detriment, disadvantage, or deprivation from failure to keep, have, or get: to bear the loss of a robbery.
2. something that is lost: The painting was the greatest loss from the robbery.
3. an amount or number lost: The loss of life increased each day.
4. the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had: the loss of old friends.
5. death, or the fact of being dead: to mourn the loss of a grandparent.
When I was 16 or 17 my mother gave me a ring. I loved this ring, because it belonged to my father who had died when I was 6. I didn’t know my father at all. My mother and father separated when I was 3. They got back together when I was 6 and 3 months later he died. Sometimes, I can still see the pain of that when I look into my mother’s heart through her dark brown eyes. I have always longed to have some connection to my father. I don’t remember when I became aware that my mother had his ring, but from the moment I became aware…I wanted it. I’ve never really thought about what it must have been like for her to give me his ring…not until now. My crazy heart…my selfish heart! My mother gave me the ring and I loved it. It instantly did something to my masculinity…somehow in my crazy heart it felt as if he taught me how to change the oil in my car and we had the TALK…somehow, in my crazy heart, I knew him in a way I never had…I was wearing a ring that he wore…and it meant the world to me.
The ring was a little loose…I remember thinking wow…our hands were almost the same size. I was careful with the ring…as much as a 16 or 17 year old would be. Funny how things…including perspective…change with age. I love you MOM! (I'm not sure my mother knows...) I lost the ring.
Since it didn’t fit all the way…I would take it off when there was potential for it to fall off-I treasured it and didn’t want anything to happen to it so I would take off when I would wash my hands or use the bathroom…stuff like that. One time I was at the Mall, Ingram Park Mall in San Antonio, TX. I had to use the restroom while shopping. I went to the nearest restroom on the second floor. I entered the stall. I removed the ring…then remembered two hours later…that I had left the ring on a dispenser in the stall. When I went back…the ring was gone. I lost the ring, but loss so much more.
The movie touched a cord…
He was lost…I’ve been lost. He loss so much…I’ve loss so much. Even with his loss, he continued to lived lost. The bible says men cherish your wife. I didn’t cherish my wife…there is more to the story than that, but for now…let’s focus on me not cherishing my wife. I lost my marriage. I loss so much more…I loss good night kisses with my son. I lost a part of fathering that can never be gained again. I lost witnessing my son grow out of things, like pajamas and toy cars. I loss a part of my crazy heart. Lost and Loss.
There are so many moments in life I can’t get back…like making a choice to lay my father’s ring down in a restroom stall…like walking away when my wife cried…like not being at my son’s game…or seeing him walk into his school on school mornings…the weekends aren’t enough for a father’s heart. Not for me…and not for him.
The movie touched a cord…
I wrote a poem for my son when I was lost…grieving my loss. Grieving the loss of daily parenting…Son this is for you.
You, Beautiful You
There’s a funny sound that silence makes, it’s like the color of tears. Interesting…the way a flower wilts or the way coffee stains and how lonely aged with time becomes a friend. Still the stillness of a home is haunting and though there are freedoms I would trade them for more.I see you-you reach for bubbles…with amazing amazement you fulfill me.
Then you take the fuzz from your toes and you pull it through like the threads of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.
I look out the window and wonder about you… Where time will take you and how I will fit in… The clouds dance around themselves and I move to the music, but I want to sing you your song and hold you and never move on, but life isn’t crazy that way and I try, but you, you cannot hear me…
I see you-you get out of your car…with amazing amazement you fulfill me.
Then you take your keys from hand and put them on the shelf like the pictures of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.
There’s a fan that cools the room…smells of paint…making old new. How is life for you? I take this time and know to make the best because time doesn’t wait it burns through our souls and we…we can’t get it back and the choices are made, the roads are taken and we have today and maybe tomorrow, but we don’t know.
I see you-you laugh so wonderfully with amazing amazement you fulfill me.Then you take the words I write for you and save them like the memories of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.
Written by James Avery Tucker
Posting sponsored by free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK
This blog was started before the Academy Awards...it was actually being written while the show was being aired. Congratulations to Jeff Bridges who played Mad in the movie.
“THE WEARY KIND”
Your heart’s on the loose
You rolled them seven’s with nothing lose
And this ain‘t no place for the weary kind
You called all your shots
Shooting 8 ball at the corner truck stop
Somehow this don’t feel like home anymore
And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
And this ain’t no place to lose your mind
And this ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try
Your body aches
Playing your guitar and sweating out the hate
The days and the nights all feel the same
Whiskey has been a thorn in your side
and it doesn’t forget
the highway that calls for your heart inside
And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
And this ain’t no place to lose your mind
And this ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try
Your lovers won’t kiss
It‘s too damn far from your fingertips
You are the man that ruined her world
Your heart‘s on the loose
You rolled them seven‘s with nothing lose
And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
From the movie "Crazy Heart"
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
I'm in LOVE!
I’m in love and at my age…with my background…I thought it would never happen again, but it has! Wow…it really has! I’m nervous, because it happened so fast. From the minute we were introduced…I knew the danger, but I went for it and now I’m in love! I couldn’t ask for anyone better...she is so amazing. Only five months into our relationship and she knows me so well. I am amazed at her memory and the clever ways she can keep me on track. AAAAAHHHHH, I am so excited and almost giddy. Yes giddy. I know giddy isn’t really a word men use, but when you’re in love…you do crazy things…like use the word giddy for the whole world to see!!!!
Tonight…after trying a water aerobics class with a new friend. Hey don’t knock it…have you ever tried water aerobics…wow what a workout! I wasn’t real sure how the evening would go…part of me wanted to sit and read…part of me wanted to sit and watch The Biggest Loser…part of me wanted to sit and write…do you see the trend here-SIT! (Laughing)
I think I earned it…my legs already feel it! Water aerobics ain’t only for old people!!! After aerobics...I stopped by Panda Express to enjoy some of their delicious…diet (my diet) friendly food…I was looking up the caloric value of the food when she reminded me of my love for words. We had found some beautiful greeting cards at the Art Museum gift shop in Downtown Oklahoma City several months ago…I know…I’m a nerd…geek…boring…uncool…whatever…I love quotes! Here are a few:
“Every wall is a door.” Ralph Waldo
“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” Unknown
“Be the change you wish to see in the world” Mahatma Gandhi
“You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough.” Mae West
“Go ahead and cry, I’ll catch your tears.” Joleen Russell
“I felt is shelter to speak to you.” Emily Dickinson
Words…the power of words. Wasn’t she great to remind me of such incredible quotes! I really don’t know how I would survive without her.
I love my phone…thanks Mom. The blessing you left when you visited helped me get an i-phone and my life has never been the same…I’m in love with my phone…she is amazing!!!! Yes...she's my phone...I'm in love with my phone! (Smile...wink!!!)
James Avery Tucker
posted courtsey of free wifi at Panera Bread, Midwest City, OK
Tonight…after trying a water aerobics class with a new friend. Hey don’t knock it…have you ever tried water aerobics…wow what a workout! I wasn’t real sure how the evening would go…part of me wanted to sit and read…part of me wanted to sit and watch The Biggest Loser…part of me wanted to sit and write…do you see the trend here-SIT! (Laughing)
I think I earned it…my legs already feel it! Water aerobics ain’t only for old people!!! After aerobics...I stopped by Panda Express to enjoy some of their delicious…diet (my diet) friendly food…I was looking up the caloric value of the food when she reminded me of my love for words. We had found some beautiful greeting cards at the Art Museum gift shop in Downtown Oklahoma City several months ago…I know…I’m a nerd…geek…boring…uncool…whatever…I love quotes! Here are a few:
“Every wall is a door.” Ralph Waldo
“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” Unknown
“Be the change you wish to see in the world” Mahatma Gandhi
“You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough.” Mae West
“Go ahead and cry, I’ll catch your tears.” Joleen Russell
“I felt is shelter to speak to you.” Emily Dickinson
Words…the power of words. Wasn’t she great to remind me of such incredible quotes! I really don’t know how I would survive without her.
I love my phone…thanks Mom. The blessing you left when you visited helped me get an i-phone and my life has never been the same…I’m in love with my phone…she is amazing!!!! Yes...she's my phone...I'm in love with my phone! (Smile...wink!!!)
James Avery Tucker
posted courtsey of free wifi at Panera Bread, Midwest City, OK
Sunday, March 7, 2010
I Buried My Old Man
I thought burying my old man would be painful and something I would not survive, but it wasn‘t. My old man and I were pretty good friends...so I was shocked when I buried him that it wasn’t very difficult at all. He knew me better than any one and would often let stories about me surface…even things I had forgotten. I’m actually very happy he is gone. Let me explain.
I had an incredible weekend at the International House of Prayer. Friday night at the Student Awakening Service…someone gave me a word-God is bringing you to a new place of Joy and Laughter! Wow! Laughter! Bring it God, bring it! Saturday, a friend shared a simple story that impacted me in a huge way-He told us a story about his Dad. He remembered playing hide and seek with his Dad, brother, and sister. His joy was present even as his words met my ears…his voice softened as he said he would find a great hiding place and his Dad would look for him. His Dad would find him, but wouldn’t let him know…then his Dad would jump toward the place he was hiding, scaring him and they would laugh. It was a sweet memory. I remember just spending time with my Dad, he said.
Then he said-God is no different. He just wants us to enjoy spending time with him. There doesn’t have to be some great healing, or revelation, or movement…just spend time with your father. Wow! That’s how the rest of the weekend went…I was focused only on enjoying time with my father. God chose something more. He delivered me of depression and a huge spirit of regret…I know this is an incredible milestone in my walk with Him. Until this weekend, I wouldn’t let God in one area of my life. I didn’t really realize that until…about three weeks ago. A friend of mine prayed for me…he prayed that I would let God in. He said he could see me sitting on my couch covered in my quilt of sadness…Jesus was next to me. He continuing praying…saying James open up. Lift the quilt and let Jesus in.
Processing that later, I realized I hadn’t let God in the deep-rooted pain that came after my divorce. I felt like I deserved my pain and it was a consequence of my choice. Additionally, a great sadness developed while learning to live in what felt like complete silence after living with a wife for 9 years and 2 year old boy. I couldn’t adjust to the silence of my new home and my empty new world. Through God I was able to see the pain that caused my sadness, but I never let him in. I let Him close enough to process the pain some and identify some issues around it, but I never let Him in. Saturday…that changed. I opened up…I lifted my quilt of heaviness and God was there…and He came in and ministered His love to me………..and I broke, completely open. It was messy…and sorta loud, but beautiful in so many ways.
Sunday, a guy in my group was going to be baptized. A Baptism of Repentance. Our leader opened the baptism to the rest of us…I instantly raised my hand. God had already placed baptism on my heart. About four weeks ago…I had a discussion about baptism with a man I respect very much. Then on Saturday night…they were baptizing. We talked about how when first come to Christ you get baptized, but for some they get baptized again. I starting praying about and felt like this was something I should do…so much has changed since I was baptized and I’m a new man now.
So Sunday God moved in an amazing way and 6 of us were baptized. Oh…it was so sweet! I buried my old man!!!
I was convicted and knew I needed to do this after our leader explained that past cultures had murders literally carry the dead man on their back.
The dead would literally decompose into the killer. I've never killed a man...but I have carried the weight of some of my sins. I've had the death of marriage decompose into my flesh...it was time to bury my old man. The baptism, the real one, that took place in my heart, released so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah-God is so good!!!
I buried my old man on Sunday, February 28, 2010 and I’m very happy he is gone. Hallelujah!
JAMES AVERY TUCKER
posted courtsey of free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK
(I'm not an editor...so forgive me when the words in my head don't make it on the page or when the English Major (turned Minor) isn't present!)
I had an incredible weekend at the International House of Prayer. Friday night at the Student Awakening Service…someone gave me a word-God is bringing you to a new place of Joy and Laughter! Wow! Laughter! Bring it God, bring it! Saturday, a friend shared a simple story that impacted me in a huge way-He told us a story about his Dad. He remembered playing hide and seek with his Dad, brother, and sister. His joy was present even as his words met my ears…his voice softened as he said he would find a great hiding place and his Dad would look for him. His Dad would find him, but wouldn’t let him know…then his Dad would jump toward the place he was hiding, scaring him and they would laugh. It was a sweet memory. I remember just spending time with my Dad, he said.
Then he said-God is no different. He just wants us to enjoy spending time with him. There doesn’t have to be some great healing, or revelation, or movement…just spend time with your father. Wow! That’s how the rest of the weekend went…I was focused only on enjoying time with my father. God chose something more. He delivered me of depression and a huge spirit of regret…I know this is an incredible milestone in my walk with Him. Until this weekend, I wouldn’t let God in one area of my life. I didn’t really realize that until…about three weeks ago. A friend of mine prayed for me…he prayed that I would let God in. He said he could see me sitting on my couch covered in my quilt of sadness…Jesus was next to me. He continuing praying…saying James open up. Lift the quilt and let Jesus in.
Processing that later, I realized I hadn’t let God in the deep-rooted pain that came after my divorce. I felt like I deserved my pain and it was a consequence of my choice. Additionally, a great sadness developed while learning to live in what felt like complete silence after living with a wife for 9 years and 2 year old boy. I couldn’t adjust to the silence of my new home and my empty new world. Through God I was able to see the pain that caused my sadness, but I never let him in. I let Him close enough to process the pain some and identify some issues around it, but I never let Him in. Saturday…that changed. I opened up…I lifted my quilt of heaviness and God was there…and He came in and ministered His love to me………..and I broke, completely open. It was messy…and sorta loud, but beautiful in so many ways.
Sunday, a guy in my group was going to be baptized. A Baptism of Repentance. Our leader opened the baptism to the rest of us…I instantly raised my hand. God had already placed baptism on my heart. About four weeks ago…I had a discussion about baptism with a man I respect very much. Then on Saturday night…they were baptizing. We talked about how when first come to Christ you get baptized, but for some they get baptized again. I starting praying about and felt like this was something I should do…so much has changed since I was baptized and I’m a new man now.
So Sunday God moved in an amazing way and 6 of us were baptized. Oh…it was so sweet! I buried my old man!!!
I was convicted and knew I needed to do this after our leader explained that past cultures had murders literally carry the dead man on their back.
The dead would literally decompose into the killer. I've never killed a man...but I have carried the weight of some of my sins. I've had the death of marriage decompose into my flesh...it was time to bury my old man. The baptism, the real one, that took place in my heart, released so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah-God is so good!!!
I buried my old man on Sunday, February 28, 2010 and I’m very happy he is gone. Hallelujah!
JAMES AVERY TUCKER
posted courtsey of free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK
(I'm not an editor...so forgive me when the words in my head don't make it on the page or when the English Major (turned Minor) isn't present!)
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Sometimes Hallelujah
As a Christian man, I wish I could say that I always live a hallelujah life. The honest truth is I live life quite pedestrian and rather clumsy. That is changing.
God is changing me: Hallelujah!
I'm not the man I used to be: Hallelujah!
I'll never be him again: Hallelujah!
That man is dead; he's buried through baptism of repentance: Hallelujah!
Hallelujah is defined most commonly as a shout of joy, praise, or gratitude. Sometimes Hallelujah is the position I often take as I walk out the process of surviving life to fully living life. Sometimes, I let my humanness interfere with the victory of my soul, the purchase of my heart by my Lord Jesus Christ! Sometimes Hallelujah, the blog, will reflect my walk on earth as a Saint, called by Christ. I am indeed a saint (a repentant sinner, called by Jesus) and I'm living life in my new identity more and more each day, but sometimes...I hit a speed bump and fall.
When I was in High School, I participated in Speech and Debate. I wasn't too bad either, even then I enjoyed speaking! I remember one tournament very clearly. I had a great case and loved my affirmative position. I didn't win....the tournament was swept by a school from Pflugerville TX. What an odd name Pflugerville (later, as I got older…I wondered where Pflugerville was, it’s near Austin.) Defeated, we headed to our bus...as we walked through the parking lot, a painful reminder of our defeat was directly in front of us, a billboard of sorts, in the shape of a yellow bus that might as well had said "You suck!" There was a message in front of us, but it wasn't on a billboard and it didn't say "You suck" it said PFLUGERVILLE IS #1, largely written in shoe polish letters on the windows of a bus! Suddenly we heard this shout of terror..."Wait!" Then a flash of a girl from Pflugerville sped by in a teenage business suit, briefcase included. Her bus was leaving without her and she was trying to get the attention of someone in the bus instead she had our full attention as she quickly fled by. Recognizing us, she turned back and yelled "Great match!" That's when it happened...some would call it victory, some would call it vengeance...for us teenage boys....we called it funny. She hit a speed bump...literally. It instantly brought her to the pavement.
Ummmm..........remember, I was young and not the mature, respectable man I am today.
Oh my gosh it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. We laughed so hard. Have you ever seen a human hit a speed bump and fall? No, I’m sure you haven’t…so trust me…It’s funny! Wow...the image is so clear in my mind...in fact...this mature, respectable man is laughing as he types this! Awesome!
Sometimes Hallelujah will be a blog about victories, struggles, and the process between the two! Today, I’m a lot like the girl from Pflugerville. As a young girl she displayed wisdom far beyond her years…in fact it’s wisdom I don’t think I have fully grasped, but a philosophy I’ve adopted for my life: Hold on to what’s important. When she hit that speed bump, she never let go of her briefcase. Her drink, trophy, and purse all hit the ground…looking back at that beautiful mess…I see she held on to what was important to her-her winning speech! I’m learning to focus on what’s important to me…what a process.
Often, when my day is crazy and I’ve been pulled by life’s tentacles…I walk through the Oklahoma City Memorial.
A good friend once told me “That crisis is a great editor.” When I walk through the memorial, I focus on what’s important, I‘m reminded not to take life for granted and that every moment counts. I’m reminded of loss and change, sadness and hope, time and reflection, time for reflection…Hallelujah!
Sometimes Hallelujah will be a scrapbook of great moments and not so great moments…it will be the journey of my life…some of the sinner and some of the saint! It will be lyrical and vulnerable. It will be my words on a page…it will be pages of my life. Hallelujah!
James Avery Tucker
posted courtsy of free wifi at Panera Bread, Midwest City, OK
God is changing me: Hallelujah!
I'm not the man I used to be: Hallelujah!
I'll never be him again: Hallelujah!
That man is dead; he's buried through baptism of repentance: Hallelujah!
Hallelujah is defined most commonly as a shout of joy, praise, or gratitude. Sometimes Hallelujah is the position I often take as I walk out the process of surviving life to fully living life. Sometimes, I let my humanness interfere with the victory of my soul, the purchase of my heart by my Lord Jesus Christ! Sometimes Hallelujah, the blog, will reflect my walk on earth as a Saint, called by Christ. I am indeed a saint (a repentant sinner, called by Jesus) and I'm living life in my new identity more and more each day, but sometimes...I hit a speed bump and fall.
When I was in High School, I participated in Speech and Debate. I wasn't too bad either, even then I enjoyed speaking! I remember one tournament very clearly. I had a great case and loved my affirmative position. I didn't win....the tournament was swept by a school from Pflugerville TX. What an odd name Pflugerville (later, as I got older…I wondered where Pflugerville was, it’s near Austin.) Defeated, we headed to our bus...as we walked through the parking lot, a painful reminder of our defeat was directly in front of us, a billboard of sorts, in the shape of a yellow bus that might as well had said "You suck!" There was a message in front of us, but it wasn't on a billboard and it didn't say "You suck" it said PFLUGERVILLE IS #1, largely written in shoe polish letters on the windows of a bus! Suddenly we heard this shout of terror..."Wait!" Then a flash of a girl from Pflugerville sped by in a teenage business suit, briefcase included. Her bus was leaving without her and she was trying to get the attention of someone in the bus instead she had our full attention as she quickly fled by. Recognizing us, she turned back and yelled "Great match!" That's when it happened...some would call it victory, some would call it vengeance...for us teenage boys....we called it funny. She hit a speed bump...literally. It instantly brought her to the pavement.
Ummmm..........remember, I was young and not the mature, respectable man I am today.
Oh my gosh it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. We laughed so hard. Have you ever seen a human hit a speed bump and fall? No, I’m sure you haven’t…so trust me…It’s funny! Wow...the image is so clear in my mind...in fact...this mature, respectable man is laughing as he types this! Awesome!
Sometimes Hallelujah will be a blog about victories, struggles, and the process between the two! Today, I’m a lot like the girl from Pflugerville. As a young girl she displayed wisdom far beyond her years…in fact it’s wisdom I don’t think I have fully grasped, but a philosophy I’ve adopted for my life: Hold on to what’s important. When she hit that speed bump, she never let go of her briefcase. Her drink, trophy, and purse all hit the ground…looking back at that beautiful mess…I see she held on to what was important to her-her winning speech! I’m learning to focus on what’s important to me…what a process.
Often, when my day is crazy and I’ve been pulled by life’s tentacles…I walk through the Oklahoma City Memorial.
A good friend once told me “That crisis is a great editor.” When I walk through the memorial, I focus on what’s important, I‘m reminded not to take life for granted and that every moment counts. I’m reminded of loss and change, sadness and hope, time and reflection, time for reflection…Hallelujah!
Sometimes Hallelujah will be a scrapbook of great moments and not so great moments…it will be the journey of my life…some of the sinner and some of the saint! It will be lyrical and vulnerable. It will be my words on a page…it will be pages of my life. Hallelujah!
James Avery Tucker
posted courtsy of free wifi at Panera Bread, Midwest City, OK
Friday, February 26, 2010
Lyrics, Loneliness and Guitar Strings
What a crazy day. Yesterday too. Work was tough...got a good butt chewing. That isn't what we call it in the military, but I want to keep this PG so I'll say butt chewing. Yesterday's crazy day flowed over to today. I had a meeting; and though it went well, I still left depleted. I had hoped to make it to the gym to work out.
I thought in addition to working out I could work out my frustrations, but instead I was visited by an ole friend. I still flirt with her on occasion. Sometimes the flirtation leads to short visit-she always overstays her visit. Today, we quickly worked out the awkwardness and easily moved to comfortable ole friends again. My ole friend's name is Dee, for Depression and she's not an ole friend, she's an old ghost.
I usually like to sleep when she visits, but today we only flirted for about thirty minutes. I parked the car. Walked in the house. Let the dog out. Changed. Almost went horizontal on the couch, but I turned my head to the left, yes-turned my head to the left. If it were a movie scene, it would have been in slow motion with the perfect instrumental piece of music softly playing in the background. A cello. By the way, a cello is the sound of my heart...something about its melancholy genius. I love the cello. Bonus...my son is learning to play the cello (with no influence from me)...smile. Okay-back to the head turning left. I looked to my left and saw my sweet dog Jukka (Hebrew, meaning gift from God.) He truly...yes my dog...is truly a gift from God.
I am not a dog man. I don't like dogs that bark or shed or poop and pee in the house or eat shoes, but in this phase of my life - I'm very lonely and thought a dog would help pass the time of endless hours alone. So one day, the very day my assignment to Korea was canceled, I stopped by the dog pound and found my beautiful gift from God. He doesn't bark or shed or poop and pee in the house or eat shoes...instead he welcomes me home with his wagging body (he doesn't really have a tail...so his back half wiggles.) He is the perfect dog for me! God is good, all the time~All the time, God is good!
Today, he was truly a gift from God...my beautiful dog sat in the middle of my backyard and stared off into the distance...he loves being outside. The gentle breeze danced around in his beard. He's a Schnauzer and they have beards-Jukka is no exception! It was around 5pm and it was the perfect blend of warm and cold. Day was leaving (warm) and night was coming (cold)...then it happened ~ I slammed the door on my unwelcome ghost...who was trying to find a place in my living room (my heart) again. I slammed the door!
I SLAMMED THE DOOR!!!
Me-I slammed the door shut. I got Jukka and we went for a mile and half walk.
It was peaceful and lyrical. I enjoyed one of my favorite worship leaders, Misty Edwards. Her words took residence in my heart. I wish they would always live there, but for now, for this walk, for this moment...my heart heard this:
You have been so kind
So gentle, time after time
Of all of the years that I've come
You're still the one to whom I run
When everything changes
You remain the same
When all around, the world is shaken
You remain
So Holy Spirit come, How I long for your touch
I was made for the more
Than the things that so easily change
I was made to love You and be loved by You
I was made to love You and be loved by You
I ended the day here...writing this.
Writing, next to speaking, is one of the things I feel right doing. So ~ today ended here with Sometimes Hallelujah: Lyrics, Loneliness and Guitar Strings.
James Avery Tucker,
Saint, Father, Son, Speaker and Writer
posted courtsey of McDonalds, Midwest City, OK
(I'm not an editor...so forgive me when the words in my head don't make it on the page or when the English Major (turned Minor) isn't present!)
I thought in addition to working out I could work out my frustrations, but instead I was visited by an ole friend. I still flirt with her on occasion. Sometimes the flirtation leads to short visit-she always overstays her visit. Today, we quickly worked out the awkwardness and easily moved to comfortable ole friends again. My ole friend's name is Dee, for Depression and she's not an ole friend, she's an old ghost.
I usually like to sleep when she visits, but today we only flirted for about thirty minutes. I parked the car. Walked in the house. Let the dog out. Changed. Almost went horizontal on the couch, but I turned my head to the left, yes-turned my head to the left. If it were a movie scene, it would have been in slow motion with the perfect instrumental piece of music softly playing in the background. A cello. By the way, a cello is the sound of my heart...something about its melancholy genius. I love the cello. Bonus...my son is learning to play the cello (with no influence from me)...smile. Okay-back to the head turning left. I looked to my left and saw my sweet dog Jukka (Hebrew, meaning gift from God.) He truly...yes my dog...is truly a gift from God.
I am not a dog man. I don't like dogs that bark or shed or poop and pee in the house or eat shoes, but in this phase of my life - I'm very lonely and thought a dog would help pass the time of endless hours alone. So one day, the very day my assignment to Korea was canceled, I stopped by the dog pound and found my beautiful gift from God. He doesn't bark or shed or poop and pee in the house or eat shoes...instead he welcomes me home with his wagging body (he doesn't really have a tail...so his back half wiggles.) He is the perfect dog for me! God is good, all the time~All the time, God is good!
Today, he was truly a gift from God...my beautiful dog sat in the middle of my backyard and stared off into the distance...he loves being outside. The gentle breeze danced around in his beard. He's a Schnauzer and they have beards-Jukka is no exception! It was around 5pm and it was the perfect blend of warm and cold. Day was leaving (warm) and night was coming (cold)...then it happened ~ I slammed the door on my unwelcome ghost...who was trying to find a place in my living room (my heart) again. I slammed the door!
I SLAMMED THE DOOR!!!
Me-I slammed the door shut. I got Jukka and we went for a mile and half walk.
It was peaceful and lyrical. I enjoyed one of my favorite worship leaders, Misty Edwards. Her words took residence in my heart. I wish they would always live there, but for now, for this walk, for this moment...my heart heard this:
You have been so kind
So gentle, time after time
Of all of the years that I've come
You're still the one to whom I run
When everything changes
You remain the same
When all around, the world is shaken
You remain
So Holy Spirit come, How I long for your touch
I was made for the more
Than the things that so easily change
I was made to love You and be loved by You
I was made to love You and be loved by You
I ended the day here...writing this.
Writing, next to speaking, is one of the things I feel right doing. So ~ today ended here with Sometimes Hallelujah: Lyrics, Loneliness and Guitar Strings.
James Avery Tucker,
Saint, Father, Son, Speaker and Writer
posted courtsey of McDonalds, Midwest City, OK
(I'm not an editor...so forgive me when the words in my head don't make it on the page or when the English Major (turned Minor) isn't present!)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
.jpg)
Posts
