The Storm

I walked on roses today
I walked in rivers and watched April turn to May
I tried to wash this stain, then
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
And I prayed take away the pain
Take away my pain and wash away my stain.

I watched the storm today
The winds came in the night and I walked with all my might.

I tried to free the ache, then
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
And I prayed take away the pain
Take away my pain and wash away my stain.

I ran in the rain, I ran through the rain
I heard the drums, I heard the saints
I heard the echo in my bones and I ran
I ran…I ran in the rain today.
I pulled away and in the quiet
I prayed
Lord I smell the rot
I smell the stench
But I’m free

I’m free,
But my flesh is weak



My flesh is weak and
It's calling me

But your word,
Your word says in my weakness
You are strong
You are strong
You are strong, but I

I ran in the rain, I ran through the rain
I heard the drums, I heard the saints
I heard the echo in my bones and I ran
I ran…I ran in the rain today.

I watched the storm today
The winds came in the night and I walked with all my might.

I tried to free the ache, then
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
And I prayed take away the pain
Take away my pain and wash away my stain.

I walked on roses today

I walked on roses today

I walked on roses today

I walked in rivers and watched

April turn to May


I tried to wash this stain, then
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
I heard the rhythm of the rain
And I prayed take away the pain
Take away my pain and wash away my stain.

Written by
James Avery Tucker

Better Than A Hallelujah

How exciting to know that one of my favorite Artist of all times is putting out a new CD, releasing March 30, 2010, and the first single is titled,

"BETTER THAN A HALLELUJAH."

I know it isn't Sometimes Hallelujah, but almost! I hope you enjoy it as much as I do. I know it's not a Jacket Cover, but for all of us who really enjoy reading the lyrics, see below...this should work!


I love the message of this song.
Be in relationship with HIM, GOD.
He wants to hear from you...regardless of how!



Better Than A Hallelujah

God loves a lullaby
In a mothers tears in the dead of night
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.

God loves the drunkards cry,
The soldiers plea not to let him die
Better than a Hallelujah sometimes.


We pour out our miseries

God just hears a melody

Beautiful the mess we are

The honest cries of breaking hearts

Are better than a Hallelujah

The woman holding on for life
The dying man giving up the fight
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes
The tears of shame for what's been done
The silence when the words won't come
Are better than a Hallelujah sometimes.



Better than a church bell ringing

Better than a choir singing out

Singing out.



penned by Chapin Hartford and Sarah Har


Written by James Avery Tucker

Reading Jacket Covers

Recently, my son was listening to song samples on iTunes. He asked, “Daddy why do they call them albums?” I told him they used to be called albums before CDs came out…you know…back in the olden days. (I‘m not really sure why iTunes refers to them as albums…are they files?) My son was really into Taylor Swift…so I thought I would surprise him later that night and buy the album…I mean CD. He was so excited to get the CD open he almost snapped it! Smile.

CD is open…CD is playing…Taylor is singing…he reaches for the CD container…opens it…looks at the picture…pulls out the cover…opens it…and begins reading the Jacket Cover. I know to most of you…this means nothing, but to me…wow…it melted my heart, the way something only a son does to his father can-it touched my heart!

I’ve been reading Jacket Covers since I was 15. When I was 15, I remember buying Amy Grant’s album, Age to Age. Okay…technically it didn’t come with a jacket cover…it had an album sleeve. I read it. I read it again…and again. I have always related to words in a profound way…so reading the lyrics to her songs brought the album to life and touched my fragile heart. It was a way for me, the consumer, to know the artist, Amy Grant. That was the day Amy became my friend! She is still a friend today…and has been through out all of my life. Always there, always with the right thing to say:

When all goodbyes are said and done
And nighttime finds you home
Are you alright to spend a night
Of being all alone
Or do you hide between the lines
Of conversations past
A wall of words, a heart unheard
That hides behind a mask

I'm raining on the inside
My heart wells up with tears that start to pour
I'm raining on the inside
But Your cries of love break through
And I fall in love with You once more

When friends who care can't be there
To ease away my pain
And peace of mind is hard to find
Like sunlight in the rain
God sees my heart, the deepest part
Inside this lonely me
And reachin' in, His love begins
To heal the heart in me
(lyrics from “Raining on the Inside,” a song from Age to Age, the album)

Yes…even at 15, my heart related to rain on the inside and the need to know God. I’m glad my son, Garrison, enjoys a sanguine inspired lyric…rather than the melancholy inspired lyrics my heart is inclined to love.

Today, he did it again. He reached for the CD container…opened it…pulled out the cover…opened it…and began reading the lyrics found inside the Jacket Cover. (Taylor is a singer-songwriter so the lyrics were included) He actually read the lyrics and my heart leaped! I was so excited.

We talked about her songs…the way her voice sounds…what certain words mean…what the song means…and what we liked about the song. He really liked this one song…it had been on repeat (something else I do.) So I asked, what is it that you like about this song? He thought about it…looked at me…then very profoundly said, “ Sometimes you just like a song!” The moment was sealed in my heart forever and another song was added to the soundtrack of my life!

I long to find friends who do this! Who connect to a song the way I do? For someone who is willing to talk about it…I mean this is what I do…usually alone, sometimes with a special friend, but now-TODAY- with my son. What a joy…a validation of sorts that this boy has my blood in him. But, there he was reading the jacket cover. The melancholy in me engaged. I analyzed. And, on my hour drive back to Oklahoma City after dropping him off in Lawton Oklahoma, I thought about the wonderful gifts he has from me and his mother. He has a wonderful blend of both our physical make-up and our personality make-up. He is a funny guy…much like his mother. Well the funny part…not the guy part! (See…that was my poor attempt at humor.) But at times…he looks in deep, just like his Dad!

What kind of legacy am I leaving him? (I rarely stay on surface level…I’m usually stay in the deep end) I love that he has a heart for music…so clearly evident, even at eleven. He hears the instruments and loves to sing. He lets music in…it affects him the way a song affects me…but I want to leave him more.

I want to live my life in way that inspires him to be a Godly Man! I want him to be a man of integrity and excellence. A man who respects and serves others. In my frailty, in my humanness, I am often far from any of these, but part of being a man of God is knowing how to get up when you fall. Knowing what it means to pray a honest prayer of repentance and letting God in-in every area of your heart. I’m doing that. I’m walking a journey of faith…one that isn’t always pretty, or better said, is Sometimes Hallelujah, but it’s a journey that is beginning to reflect Christ and this is the legacy he will have. I get excited about sharing my life with my son when he is a man. He will see all the pages of my life and the one thing…that will truly be clear is that I fought hard to learn how to surrender to the obedience of Christ. I am even proud now…to tell him how I’m changing…how the man I was is no longer the man I am. This is the legacy not the life of lyrics, loneliness and guitar strings he will know. I wonder what songs we will share then…

I used to have to trap my friends in a vehicle on long drives to share a solid lyric, a new song that had been added to the soundtrack of my life, or some interesting detail I learned about a song or an artist from a Jacket Cover. About two years ago that moved from a locked vehicle to a couch. When I met a heart much like mine, in my friend Kristen. In fact, I miss couch time with my friend…this was a time that often included lyrics, songs and tears. I believe that we will get that again one day…just like one day my son and I will share a new song or something he discovered from Reading Jacket Covers.

Written by James Avery Tucker

Posting sponsored by free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK

My Crazy Heart

I just saw the movie Crazy Heart. Wow…it is affecting me. I don’t know if it’ll win the Oscar or not, but it touched a cord in my heart. Yes…my “Crazy Heart.”

Is there a difference between lost and loss…what does Webster say? I’m not sure, but Dictionary.com says:

Lost–adjective
1. no longer possessed or retained: lost friends.
2. no longer to be found: lost articles.
3. having gone astray or missed the way; bewildered as to place, direction, etc.: lost children.
4. not used to good purpose, as opportunities, time, or labor; wasted: a lost advantage.
5. being something that someone has failed to win: a lost prize.

Loss–noun
1. detriment, disadvantage, or deprivation from failure to keep, have, or get: to bear the loss of a robbery.
2. something that is lost: The painting was the greatest loss from the robbery.
3. an amount or number lost: The loss of life increased each day.
4. the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had: the loss of old friends.
5. death, or the fact of being dead: to mourn the loss of a grandparent.

When I was 16 or 17 my mother gave me a ring. I loved this ring, because it belonged to my father who had died when I was 6. I didn’t know my father at all. My mother and father separated when I was 3. They got back together when I was 6 and 3 months later he died. Sometimes, I can still see the pain of that when I look into my mother’s heart through her dark brown eyes. I have always longed to have some connection to my father. I don’t remember when I became aware that my mother had his ring, but from the moment I became aware…I wanted it. I’ve never really thought about what it must have been like for her to give me his ring…not until now. My crazy heart…my selfish heart! My mother gave me the ring and I loved it. It instantly did something to my masculinity…somehow in my crazy heart it felt as if he taught me how to change the oil in my car and we had the TALK…somehow, in my crazy heart, I knew him in a way I never had…I was wearing a ring that he wore…and it meant the world to me.

The ring was a little loose…I remember thinking wow…our hands were almost the same size. I was careful with the ring…as much as a 16 or 17 year old would be. Funny how things…including perspective…change with age. I love you MOM! (I'm not sure my mother knows...) I lost the ring.

Since it didn’t fit all the way…I would take it off when there was potential for it to fall off-I treasured it and didn’t want anything to happen to it so I would take off when I would wash my hands or use the bathroom…stuff like that. One time I was at the Mall, Ingram Park Mall in San Antonio, TX. I had to use the restroom while shopping. I went to the nearest restroom on the second floor. I entered the stall. I removed the ring…then remembered two hours later…that I had left the ring on a dispenser in the stall. When I went back…the ring was gone. I lost the ring, but loss so much more.

The movie touched a cord…

He was lost…I’ve been lost. He loss so much…I’ve loss so much. Even with his loss, he continued to lived lost. The bible says men cherish your wife. I didn’t cherish my wife…there is more to the story than that, but for now…let’s focus on me not cherishing my wife. I lost my marriage. I loss so much more…I loss good night kisses with my son. I lost a part of fathering that can never be gained again. I lost witnessing my son grow out of things, like pajamas and toy cars. I loss a part of my crazy heart. Lost and Loss.

There are so many moments in life I can’t get back…like making a choice to lay my father’s ring down in a restroom stall…like walking away when my wife cried…like not being at my son’s game…or seeing him walk into his school on school mornings…the weekends aren’t enough for a father’s heart. Not for me…and not for him.

The movie touched a cord…

I wrote a poem for my son when I was lost…grieving my loss. Grieving the loss of daily parenting…Son this is for you.

You, Beautiful You

There’s a funny sound that silence makes, it’s like the color of tears. Interesting…the way a flower wilts or the way coffee stains and how lonely aged with time becomes a friend. Still the stillness of a home is haunting and though there are freedoms I would trade them for more.

I see you-you reach for bubbles…with amazing amazement you fulfill me.
Then you take the fuzz from your toes and you pull it through like the threads of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.

I look out the window and wonder about you… Where time will take you and how I will fit in… The clouds dance around themselves and I move to the music, but I want to sing you your song and hold you and never move on, but life isn’t crazy that way and I try, but you, you cannot hear me…

I see you-you get out of your car…with amazing amazement you fulfill me.
Then you take your keys from hand and put them on the shelf like the pictures of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.

There’s a fan that cools the room…smells of paint…making old new. How is life for you? I take this time and know to make the best because time doesn’t wait it burns through our souls and we…we can’t get it back and the choices are made, the roads are taken and we have today and maybe tomorrow, but we don’t know.

I see you-you laugh so wonderfully with amazing amazement you fulfill me.
Then you take the words I write for you and save them like the memories of life that I hang on to. You-beautiful you.


Written by James Avery Tucker

Posting sponsored by free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK

This blog was started before the Academy Awards...it was actually being written while the show was being aired. Congratulations to Jeff Bridges who played Mad in the movie.



“THE WEARY KIND”
Your heart’s on the loose
You rolled them seven’s with nothing lose
And this ain‘t no place for the weary kind

You called all your shots
Shooting 8 ball at the corner truck stop
Somehow this don’t feel like home anymore

And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
And this ain’t no place to lose your mind
And this ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

Your body aches
Playing your guitar and sweating out the hate
The days and the nights all feel the same

Whiskey has been a thorn in your side
and it doesn’t forget
the highway that calls for your heart inside

And this ain’t no place for the weary kind
And this ain’t no place to lose your mind
And this ain’t no place to fall behind
Pick up your crazy heart and give it one more try

Your lovers won’t kiss
It‘s too damn far from your fingertips
You are the man that ruined her world

Your heart‘s on the loose
You rolled them seven‘s with nothing lose
And this ain’t no place for the weary kind

From the movie "Crazy Heart"

I'm in LOVE!

I’m in love and at my age…with my background…I thought it would never happen again, but it has! Wow…it really has! I’m nervous, because it happened so fast. From the minute we were introduced…I knew the danger, but I went for it and now I’m in love! I couldn’t ask for anyone better...she is so amazing. Only five months into our relationship and she knows me so well. I am amazed at her memory and the clever ways she can keep me on track. AAAAAHHHHH, I am so excited and almost giddy. Yes giddy. I know giddy isn’t really a word men use, but when you’re in love…you do crazy things…like use the word giddy for the whole world to see!!!!

Tonight…after trying a water aerobics class with a new friend. Hey don’t knock it…have you ever tried water aerobics…wow what a workout! I wasn’t real sure how the evening would go…part of me wanted to sit and read…part of me wanted to sit and watch The Biggest Loser…part of me wanted to sit and write…do you see the trend here-SIT! (Laughing)

I think I earned it…my legs already feel it! Water aerobics ain’t only for old people!!! After aerobics...I stopped by Panda Express to enjoy some of their delicious…diet (my diet) friendly food…I was looking up the caloric value of the food when she reminded me of my love for words. We had found some beautiful greeting cards at the Art Museum gift shop in Downtown Oklahoma City several months ago…I know…I’m a nerd…geek…boring…uncool…whatever…I love quotes! Here are a few:

“Every wall is a door.” Ralph Waldo

“What would you attempt to do if you knew you could not fail?” Unknown

“Be the change you wish to see in the world” Mahatma Gandhi

“You only live once, but if you do it right once is enough.” Mae West

“Go ahead and cry, I’ll catch your tears.” Joleen Russell

“I felt is shelter to speak to you.” Emily Dickinson

Words…the power of words. Wasn’t she great to remind me of such incredible quotes! I really don’t know how I would survive without her.

I love my phone…thanks Mom. The blessing you left when you visited helped me get an i-phone and my life has never been the same…I’m in love with my phone…she is amazing!!!! Yes...she's my phone...I'm in love with my phone! (Smile...wink!!!)

James Avery Tucker

posted courtsey of free wifi at Panera Bread, Midwest City, OK

I Buried My Old Man

I thought burying my old man would be painful and something I would not survive, but it wasn‘t. My old man and I were pretty good friends...so I was shocked when I buried him that it wasn’t very difficult at all. He knew me better than any one and would often let stories about me surface…even things I had forgotten. I’m actually very happy he is gone. Let me explain.

I had an incredible weekend at the International House of Prayer. Friday night at the Student Awakening Service…someone gave me a word-God is bringing you to a new place of Joy and Laughter! Wow! Laughter! Bring it God, bring it! Saturday, a friend shared a simple story that impacted me in a huge way-He told us a story about his Dad. He remembered playing hide and seek with his Dad, brother, and sister. His joy was present even as his words met my ears…his voice softened as he said he would find a great hiding place and his Dad would look for him. His Dad would find him, but wouldn’t let him know…then his Dad would jump toward the place he was hiding, scaring him and they would laugh. It was a sweet memory. I remember just spending time with my Dad, he said.

Then he said-God is no different. He just wants us to enjoy spending time with him. There doesn’t have to be some great healing, or revelation, or movement…just spend time with your father. Wow! That’s how the rest of the weekend went…I was focused only on enjoying time with my father. God chose something more. He delivered me of depression and a huge spirit of regret…I know this is an incredible milestone in my walk with Him. Until this weekend, I wouldn’t let God in one area of my life. I didn’t really realize that until…about three weeks ago. A friend of mine prayed for me…he prayed that I would let God in. He said he could see me sitting on my couch covered in my quilt of sadness…Jesus was next to me. He continuing praying…saying James open up. Lift the quilt and let Jesus in.

Processing that later, I realized I hadn’t let God in the deep-rooted pain that came after my divorce. I felt like I deserved my pain and it was a consequence of my choice. Additionally, a great sadness developed while learning to live in what felt like complete silence after living with a wife for 9 years and 2 year old boy. I couldn’t adjust to the silence of my new home and my empty new world. Through God I was able to see the pain that caused my sadness, but I never let him in. I let Him close enough to process the pain some and identify some issues around it, but I never let Him in. Saturday…that changed. I opened up…I lifted my quilt of heaviness and God was there…and He came in and ministered His love to me………..and I broke, completely open. It was messy…and sorta loud, but beautiful in so many ways.

Sunday, a guy in my group was going to be baptized. A Baptism of Repentance. Our leader opened the baptism to the rest of us…I instantly raised my hand. God had already placed baptism on my heart. About four weeks ago…I had a discussion about baptism with a man I respect very much. Then on Saturday night…they were baptizing. We talked about how when first come to Christ you get baptized, but for some they get baptized again. I starting praying about and felt like this was something I should do…so much has changed since I was baptized and I’m a new man now.
So Sunday God moved in an amazing way and 6 of us were baptized. Oh…it was so sweet! I buried my old man!!!
I was convicted and knew I needed to do this after our leader explained that past cultures had murders literally carry the dead man on their back.
The dead would literally decompose into the killer. I've never killed a man...but I have carried the weight of some of my sins. I've had the death of marriage decompose into my flesh...it was time to bury my old man. The baptism, the real one, that took place in my heart, released so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Ah-God is so good!!!


I buried my old man on Sunday, February 28, 2010 and I’m very happy he is gone. Hallelujah!

JAMES AVERY TUCKER

posted courtsey of free wifi at McDonalds, Midwest City, OK

(I'm not an editor...so forgive me when the words in my head don't make it on the page or when the English Major (turned Minor) isn't present!)

Sometimes Hallelujah

As a Christian man, I wish I could say that I always live a hallelujah life. The honest truth is I live life quite pedestrian and rather clumsy. That is changing.

God is changing me: Hallelujah!
I'm not the man I used to be: Hallelujah!
I'll never be him again: Hallelujah!
That man is dead; he's buried through baptism of repentance: Hallelujah!

Hallelujah is defined most commonly as a shout of joy, praise, or gratitude. Sometimes Hallelujah is the position I often take as I walk out the process of surviving life to fully living life. Sometimes, I let my humanness interfere with the victory of my soul, the purchase of my heart by my Lord Jesus Christ! Sometimes Hallelujah, the blog, will reflect my walk on earth as a Saint, called by Christ. I am indeed a saint (a repentant sinner, called by Jesus) and I'm living life in my new identity more and more each day, but sometimes...I hit a speed bump and fall.

When I was in High School, I participated in Speech and Debate. I wasn't too bad either, even then I enjoyed speaking! I remember one tournament very clearly. I had a great case and loved my affirmative position. I didn't win....the tournament was swept by a school from Pflugerville TX. What an odd name Pflugerville (later, as I got older…I wondered where Pflugerville was, it’s near Austin.) Defeated, we headed to our bus...as we walked through the parking lot, a painful reminder of our defeat was directly in front of us, a billboard of sorts, in the shape of a yellow bus that might as well had said "You suck!" There was a message in front of us, but it wasn't on a billboard and it didn't say "You suck" it said PFLUGERVILLE IS #1, largely written in shoe polish letters on the windows of a bus! Suddenly we heard this shout of terror..."Wait!" Then a flash of a girl from Pflugerville sped by in a teenage business suit, briefcase included. Her bus was leaving without her and she was trying to get the attention of someone in the bus instead she had our full attention as she quickly fled by. Recognizing us, she turned back and yelled "Great match!" That's when it happened...some would call it victory, some would call it vengeance...for us teenage boys....we called it funny. She hit a speed bump...literally. It instantly brought her to the pavement.

Ummmm..........remember, I was young and not the mature, respectable man I am today.

Oh my gosh it was the funniest thing I had ever seen. We laughed so hard. Have you ever seen a human hit a speed bump and fall? No, I’m sure you haven’t…so trust me…It’s funny! Wow...the image is so clear in my mind...in fact...this mature, respectable man is laughing as he types this! Awesome!

Sometimes Hallelujah will be a blog about victories, struggles, and the process between the two! Today, I’m a lot like the girl from Pflugerville. As a young girl she displayed wisdom far beyond her years…in fact it’s wisdom I don’t think I have fully grasped, but a philosophy I’ve adopted for my life: Hold on to what’s important. When she hit that speed bump, she never let go of her briefcase. Her drink, trophy, and purse all hit the ground…looking back at that beautiful mess…I see she held on to what was important to her-her winning speech! I’m learning to focus on what’s important to me…what a process.

Often, when my day is crazy and I’ve been pulled by life’s tentacles…I walk through the Oklahoma City Memorial.
A good friend once told me “That crisis is a great editor.” When I walk through the memorial, I focus on what’s important, I‘m reminded not to take life for granted and that every moment counts. I’m reminded of loss and change, sadness and hope, time and reflection, time for reflection…Hallelujah!


Sometimes Hallelujah will be a scrapbook of great moments and not so great moments…it will be the journey of my life…some of the sinner and some of the saint! It will be lyrical and vulnerable. It will be my words on a page…it will be pages of my life. Hallelujah!

James Avery Tucker

posted courtsy of free wifi at Panera Bread, Midwest City, OK