In the Hallways

My name is James. I'm a pretty normal guy. I'm 5' 10," ten years ago...on a good day I was 5' 11." Ten years ago...on any day, I was thirty pounds lighter. I usually wear jeans and a T-Shirt...at least when I have a choice. I drive a fuel efficient vehicle, but I would rather drive a truck. Lately, I don't get enough sleep. Lately, I eat better, but still way too much. I live an average life. I hang on. I have dreams and I make small steps to achieve them, but the reality is...at 42...I'm a desperate man...fighting for life. I am fighting a war, in a battle for my soul...in a fight for my life.

Years ago, I would have lost this war, but with Truth I'm beginning to see the battle in ways I have never known. Today, I see the way my enemy entangles me. He fights to keep me out of the hallways of life. The places that lead to my life touching others. The place where conversations are fun and friendly...where photos hang to remind me of those that love and pray for me! He doesn't want me in the hallways. He wants me hidden. He wants afraid and alone. He wants me in the attic...remembering the past...going through the things of the man I used to be...playing in the clothes of a younger man. He wants me confused and lonely. He wants me isolated so I'll never know the truth about the lies that have formed deep within me, deep in my bones. I've built so much life around them that they feel part of me. But my God...is a God that can raise bones from the dead. He can take what was dead and create life! He can restore a heart positioned to receive Him.

Today, I fight this war a wiser man, scarred by a lifetime of war. To some, I will never win this battle. They believe I should surrender, but I chose to be an uncommon man. I chose to stay in this fight until this battle is over and I can walk in the truth that God has promised me.

I'm a desperate man. Who often runs...weakened by the fight. Sometimes I find myself in my enemies camp...among my enemies. Sometimes I feel their call in the loneliness of battle. Sometimes I ask why...why do I fight...when it seems like I will always be in the presence of war. The truth is that sometimes I want to give up, surrender and run to things I've known along this journey. But my God, He has ransomed me...my God has saved me, my God is changing me!

He reminds me of the person he created. He brings the truth to me and it redefines the battle...it redefines my life! I'm a desperate man! I'm 5'10." My name is James.

Written by,
JAMES AVERY TUCKER at Sometimes Hallelujah!

DESPERATE MAN
I know I just display my foolish pride
When I try to be an island to myself
You must be tired of all the stuff that I still hide
Because I just can’t seem to trust anyone else
It’s a lonely way to live
Such a lonely way to live

I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me

You’ve been more than patient all this time
If it were me I would have given up long ago
The first time that you pulled me from the mire
And I brushed you off to dig another hole
It’s a sad way to live
Such a sad, sad way to live

I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me

I used to be the strong one
The self-sufficient fool
I thought I needed no one
But the plain and simple truth
Is I’m a desperate man

I’m a desperate man
I’m in desperate need
Of your saving hand
To come and rescue me

Written and Sung by Andy Gullahorn